You've pointed out with perfect depth the issue that swirls around in circles in women's minds here while also explaining why it happens....
Women, including myself, are seeing the men in our lives entirely ignore the issue, their silence is so loudly announcing that men ignoring these issues are part of that larger system and that given opportunity with no consequence would also do what we read in those files. A lack of consent, violence, upholding the patriarchy by not standing up and taking action. It says to us that even the men we associate with on a daily basis see women as objects. Appliances. Not human, which widens the great divide. Men ignore, women are retreating. With the socialization boys recieve in childhood it always shows, patriarchy is harmful. This is not work that women can do for men, nor do we want to.
Men are fully capable of breaking free of their socialization chains so to speak, but men have to help other men period. Your post today is a manual of how men can start. Thank you!
Thank you. I, along with SO MANY other women, do not have the time, energy, or desire to educate men how to help. This work can and must be done by men. Thank you for this.
When we make out matriarchal community (a dream), we have to take this man with us (with consent, of course) to help heal the men who will run from the patriarchy.
Thanks for writing this! Respectfully, I’d suggest that actions 2-7 come before action 1. I don’t think men will be prepared to hold space for women without doing self and systems work. And generally, I have not found most men to be practiced at emotional labor or willingness to sit with discomfort, so stress testing themselves before entering those conversations is key (in spaces where they can mess up but be called in further by peers, but women don’t have to risk further harm).
Thank you for this. It’s so upsetting that so few men (none that I know personally) seem to think it has anything to do with them. And they need to be the ones showing their sons and the younger generation of men a better way to be.
I really appreciated the emphasis on repair. Accountability isn’t just about condemning extreme cases at the top, it’s also about reflecting on everyday behavior, relationships, and dynamics that we might have normalized without thinking. Brilliant writing <3
The number one most common reaction I’ve seen from men on this has been to relentlessly point out that Maxwell is a woman, as if the involvement of women in facilitating children for men to rape negates the thousands of men doing the actual raping
Great to see this. I love the action points. I think it's important for people to realise that they are the change they want to see. Let's do it! 🙂 I am sharing this where I can 👌💖🙏
Wow after fielding hundreds of defensive comments from men all week about the Epstein files- this was truly a breath of fresh air to read thank you 🙏🏼
Very honored to hear that it had one of my intended effects. Also giddy that you read it! 🥹 very much respect your work 🙏
Ha, that is high praise!!
Absolutely 💯
I wish I could like this 100 times
🫡🙏🫶🏼
I bring the topic up to the men in my life and they say "let's not discuss this negativity"
it fills me with RAGE at how easily they can turn away and they ask me to do the same.
that's the problem. it is systemic and not talking about it only fuels the dissociation and disconnection women feel
You've pointed out with perfect depth the issue that swirls around in circles in women's minds here while also explaining why it happens....
Women, including myself, are seeing the men in our lives entirely ignore the issue, their silence is so loudly announcing that men ignoring these issues are part of that larger system and that given opportunity with no consequence would also do what we read in those files. A lack of consent, violence, upholding the patriarchy by not standing up and taking action. It says to us that even the men we associate with on a daily basis see women as objects. Appliances. Not human, which widens the great divide. Men ignore, women are retreating. With the socialization boys recieve in childhood it always shows, patriarchy is harmful. This is not work that women can do for men, nor do we want to.
Men are fully capable of breaking free of their socialization chains so to speak, but men have to help other men period. Your post today is a manual of how men can start. Thank you!
Not just ignoring it but defend and deflect, and argue that women are ‘worse’
THIS is what is infuriating. why is it up to women to do their emotional work and to teach them?! make it make sense!!
Thank you. I, along with SO MANY other women, do not have the time, energy, or desire to educate men how to help. This work can and must be done by men. Thank you for this.
When we make out matriarchal community (a dream), we have to take this man with us (with consent, of course) to help heal the men who will run from the patriarchy.
Incredible breakdown. "Action is the antidote to helplessness" is such a necessary reminder for this moment in time
Thanks Aaron. Agreed. It’s a reminder I sometimes have to remind myself of, too.
Thanks for writing this! Respectfully, I’d suggest that actions 2-7 come before action 1. I don’t think men will be prepared to hold space for women without doing self and systems work. And generally, I have not found most men to be practiced at emotional labor or willingness to sit with discomfort, so stress testing themselves before entering those conversations is key (in spaces where they can mess up but be called in further by peers, but women don’t have to risk further harm).
Great point. Generally I agree 🙏
Very true indeed
Thank you for this. It’s so upsetting that so few men (none that I know personally) seem to think it has anything to do with them. And they need to be the ones showing their sons and the younger generation of men a better way to be.
I agree, it is upsetting and very far outside the norm. Unfortunately the system discourages it strongly.
💯
This is men’s work to do. Thank you for this post.
Agreed and my pleasure 🙏
...proceeds to send to every guy in my life....
Thank you for this. 🙏🏼
Thanks for sharing with your men 🙏🫡
Beautifully articulated piece, Patch. Thanks for stepping up and leading.
My man, fellow traveler. Thank you for your book. 🫶🏼
I really appreciated the emphasis on repair. Accountability isn’t just about condemning extreme cases at the top, it’s also about reflecting on everyday behavior, relationships, and dynamics that we might have normalized without thinking. Brilliant writing <3
Agreed. It's easy to disown, much harder to own even if just a part.
The number one most common reaction I’ve seen from men on this has been to relentlessly point out that Maxwell is a woman, as if the involvement of women in facilitating children for men to rape negates the thousands of men doing the actual raping
yeah that's some extremely disappointing mental gymnastics to say the least
Indeed
Please note that bell hooks' name should not be capitalized
Thank you for that catch! I’d forgotten. Will edit when in front of computer 🙏
updated now
Almost - one out of two
Great to see this. I love the action points. I think it's important for people to realise that they are the change they want to see. Let's do it! 🙂 I am sharing this where I can 👌💖🙏
I believe this too. And the change is worth it.